Dairycon 2019 Exclusives!

'Cowpocalypse' Assortment!


Read about these exciting characters in Shattered! The Dairycon Moo-niverse!

Allegiance: Dairycon
Name: Toiletbot
Function: Anniversary Warrior

Quote: "A Clean Toilet is a Happy Toilet!"

Profile:
The center of the entire Dairycon Universe. Unaware of his origins, the unit designated TB-1, near stasis-lock, scanned the only object in his immediate vicinity: a dirty, broken gas station toilet. His sparkcore did the rest, providing him with his classic Toiletbot warrior form. Undeniably noble, and instilled with a roll of convictions, he inspires Dairycons with glorious tales of Cybertron's past.

Abilities:
Can launch incendiary paper rolls from his gun in robot mode. Combines with LOGJAM and TINDERTRON to form a powerful toilet-water cannon.

Weaknesses:
Prone to clogging. Tends to require frequent handle jiggling.


Alt Mode | In Package

Allegiance: Dairycon
Name: Tindertron
Function: Matchmaker

Quote: "Swipe left!"

Profile:
TINDERTRON doesn't just consider himself a 'bot. He considers himself a cybertronian lifestyle app. Functions as the hub of a distributed network. Believes that if Cybertronians are to understand humans and achieve the maximal future, they must adopt human norms and customs, including multiple 'genders'.

Abilities:
If a 'bot has a kink, Tindertron knows where to satisfy it. Able to find bars where the femmebots walk around with their torso plates off. Has the ability to match cybertronians from a variety of functions. Calculates and cross-references bios with location data and informs users accordingly. Hides within TOILETBOTS torso, because it's the last place people wouuld look for him. Occasionally combines with LOGJAM to form a powerful weapon.

Weaknesses:
Lack of understanding on many older cybertronians' part leads to TINDERTRON being in physical danger much of the time. Has abandoned his transector body and resides within TOILETBOT.


Head Mode | Attached to Toiletbot

Allegiance: Dairycon
Name: Logjam
Function: Communications

Quote: "Beast Protocol!"

Profile:
Like trees blocking a river, if your situation seems unresolvable, thank LOGJAM. Ordered to search for a prime, he misunderstood and created vulnerabilities in the Autobots security net instead. Despite being patched, he proved unstable and was reassigned to communications, where he intercepts and decodes Decepticon information traffic.

Abilities:
Can snarl enemy communications almost instantly by creating and exploiting vulnerabilities. In beastmode, can stomp around in the same area, creating physical distraction in order to hide his electronic hacks. With TINDERTRON, combines with TOILETBOT to create a powerful weapon.

Weaknesses:
Shouts nonsense when transforming. And when idle. Easiest just to toss him into enemy territory and let him randomly screw things up.


Vehicle Mode | In Package

Allegiance: Dairycon
Name: Agent Orange
Function: Incompetant Buffoon of the Apocalypse

Quote: "I will destroy you all."

Profile:
Once a competant enemy, AGENT ORANGE became tangled up with TINDERTRON. As a result, he spent most of his days interfacing with pornbots in the cybertronian dead zone. Disgraced, he was reassigned to earth. Current assignment is to root out and destroy all soy infected Dairycons, so the disease doesn't spread. Probably already too-late, as Botbots have broken loose into the main continuity. Can be found skulking around Blackrock's Carwash of Doom.

Abilities:
Self Agrandisement. His finishing move, DumpsterFire, is both his signature move and his trump card in a fight. Has been clocked at an obsene forty lies per minute. Able to make up any lie no matter how preposterous on the spot and make you think he actually believes it. Claims to have invented a large coffee, or as the humans call it, Coffvefe Bigly.

Weaknesses:
McDonald's. Burger King. Wendy's. Pizza Hut. Kentucky Fried Chicken. Taco Bell. All fast food really. Grammar. Spelling. English. Reading. Addition. All math. The spoken Word. Geography. Anything science related. Facts. Foreign policy. Domestic policy. Public relations. Believed not to be a functioning adult. Unable to dress himself properly. Suffers from frequent tantrums. Flunked recess due to bone spurs. Has a deeply disturbing fetish for walls. Possibly under indictment very soon.


Vehicle Mode | In Package

Allegiance: Dairycon
Name: Dr. "Billy" Jellyfinger
Function: Evil Scientist

Quote: "Pull my...too easy."

Profile:
Once allied with a fictional terrorist organization. An accident with a fondue pot caused his face to be scarred; now hides his shame under a helmet and turtleneck. At the behest of ARCH NEMESIS, created the soy-based additive that currently runs rampant in the Dairycon Universe.

Abilities:
Like most villians, DR JELLYFINGER holds several advanced degrees in the sciences. Specializes in plagues, toxins. Best known for the classic brainwave scanner and the Deaf Ray (rendering people unable to hear music after 1981).

Weaknesses:
Has the typical abilities of a middle-aged human who engages in little to no exercise, causing him to occasionally be mistaken for a Dairycon attendee. Has begun to show symptoms of being affected by the Dairycon Virus himself.


Dr. Jellyfinger with Jellyfinger Deployed | Dr. Jellyfinger's Jellyfinger | In Package

Allegiance: Dairycon
Name: Slam
Function: Beat Stick

Quote: "The sound of war... sound of war..."

Profile:
War-weary veteran of ten thousand battles. Originally part of the cassette combiner SlamDance; the Dairycon virus left him damaged and modelocked. Now functions as a weapon or a limb, depending on which zombified transformer has him.

Abilities:
Currently none. As useless as a cassette was (a cassette that was under water inside a pirate's chest), he's now a powerless vaguely tank-shaped stick. Serves as ZOMBIE ROADBUSTER's right leg (which he occassionally removes in order to hit people with).

Weaknesses:
See abilities.


Alt Mode | In Package

Allegiance: Bayformer
Name: Zombie Roadbuster
Function: Irritant

Quote: "Raaahhhh!"

Profile:
In the Bayformer universe, ROADBUSTER used to enjoy a few minutes of screentime. However, at the behest of ARCH NEMESIS, he was infected by DR JELLYFINGER and let loose in the Dairycon Universe, infecting all he came in contact with. Will HEFFER and TOILETBOT be able to stop him in time?

Abilities:
Can infect human or Cybertronian alike, by direct contact, or by throwing a part of his crumbling chassis at them. Any contact will result in infection. A combination of cosmic rust and vegetable oil, the Dairycon Virus has no known cure. Only a rumor, a story really. A legend. A mythical liquid organic substance that can neutralize the threat... oh, if only it could be discovered in time!

Weaknesses:
Slow. Unthinking. Barely functions in either mode. Still Very Deadly. Best to avoid. Just like the pre-zombified version.


Alt Mode | In Package

Allegiance: MOTU
Name: Pretender Skeleton
Function: Arch Nemesis of the Hero

Quote: "Myah! I'll get you next time!"

Profile:
PRETENDER SKELETON is a magically-enhanced extension of the Arch Nemesis. The one who Masters the shell can control the Universe.

Abilities:
A blending of high science and magic; Enhances the abilities of the one who controls him, granting magical blasts, flight, and dimensional crossing. He uses his Skull Cruncher to bludgeon his enemies.

Weaknesses:
Can function on its own, but not possessed of a soul in the strictest sense.


With Skull Cruncher | Color Comparison | In Package

Allegiance: MOTU
Name: Arch Nemesis Keldor
Function: Enemy of the Hero

Quote: "Tell me of the loneliness of Good... is it equal to the loneliness of Evil?"

Profile:
ARCH NEMESIS is the inner being in-control of PRETENDER SKELETON. Critically injured during a battle with The Hero, ARCH NEMESIS escaped into the Dairycon Universe and created PRETENDER SKELETON so he could heal... and plot his revenge. After all, the one who Masters the shell can master the Universe.

Abilities:
A powerful wizard in his own right, ARCH NEMESIS has the dark arts at his disposal. Has adopted local technology and created a sub-suit that allows him to control transectors by literally bonding with them, but does not employ this ability, preferring to reside within PRETENDER SKELETON and use his magic instead. Controls a number of minions through fear and intimidation, though he prefers manipulation.

Weaknesses:
Cannot be outside his shell for long periods of time. Powers are limited while he learns to master this new technology. Though his plans for revenge are brilliant, he is typically foiled by his substandard minions.


Alt Mode | In Package

Allegiance: Binaltech
Name: Zombie Zoom Zoom
Function: Decoy

Quote: "Raaahhhh!"

Profile:
In the Binaltech universe, Zoom Zoom was not a true, living Transformer, but an artificial intelligence program placed inside a spare Transformer Jazz body. However, at the behest of ARCH NEMESIS, Zoom Zoom was infected by DR JELLYFINGER and let loose in the Dairycon Universe, infecting all he came in contact with. Will HEFFER and TOILETBOT be able to stop him in time?

Abilities:
Zoom Zoom can infect human or Cybertronian alike, by direct contact, or by throwing parts of his crumbling chassis at them. Any contact will result in infection. combination of cosmic rust and vegetable oil, the Dairycon Virus has no known cure. Only a rumor, a story really. A legend. A mythical liquid organic substance that can neutralize the threat... oh, if only it could be discovered in time!

Weaknesses:
Unthinking, Barely functional pile of loose parts. Still Very Deadly. Best to avoid.


Robot Mode | Vehicle Mode | In Package

Allegiance:
Name:
Function:

Quote: ""

Profile:
x

Abilities:
x

Weaknesses:
x


Alt Mode | In Package

Notes 1: Behold the reissue of Toiletbot! 20 years is a long time for the fandom to finally catch up with toilet humor. (Webmaster's Note: Fred worked really hard to get this one out...see what I did there?)

Notes 2: Will anyone check inside Toiletbot for an additional secret figure? Swipe left to find out!

Notes 3: Keep him in his original package, or dump the parts inside TOILETBOT for added realism!

Notes 4: This character took a sharp right turn from his original incarnation.

Notes 5: Insert your own GiJoe Dr Venom reference here.

Notes 6: Poor GrandSlam. From Pirate's booty, to Roadbusters boot.

Notes 7: "Raaahhhh!" Look, it's evasion mode Roadbuster!

Notes 8: It's Skeletor.

Notes 9: This is also Skeletor.

Notes 10: Zombie Zoom Zoom would be a great name for a rock band.

Notes 11: TBA